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Sorry for the Inconvenience
We, at the Lawless Partnership would like to apologize for any minor inconvenience we may have caused our clients during a seamless transition we had to a new internet provider and to a new computer server. After the transition was complete, all systems worked perfectly. Except we had no internet connection, word processing didn't work, database was unavailable, no e-mail, toilet over flowed, spreadsheets wouldn't tally, couldn’t access our forms, and I got a mosquito bite on the end of my nose. Aside from that, it went smooth as glass.
While I tend to blame Qwest for most things that go wrong because they deserve it, this time they really are to blame. We have been with Qwest since the dawn of the internet. When we joined, they didn't even give you account numbers, they gave you account animals. Our account was "wallaby". Later we were given an account number.
You would think that our many years with Qwest would guarantee us excellent service, but you would be wrong. You see Qwest sold its accounts to Microsoft. Later bought them back. Then set up Qwest.net. Later "migrated" accounts to Qwest Office.net, etc, etc. Every time an event happens, somehow they mess up our account. So, predictably, when Qwest became Clink, our account experienced problems. Problems in the sense, they literally could not find where in their system our e-mail was located or our web page. Lost at sea. Below is a mostly true transcript of my conversation with a Qwest tech, who claimed his name was "Bob", and spoke with a very heavy accent.
GREG: Hi, we are experiencing a problem. If I get an e-mail attachment that has greater than three electrons, it fills my mailbox.
BOB: Let me get your eleven diget account number
GREG: OK, 00000000003.
BOB: I have accessed that account and our database program Century Link Short Term Information Network Center tells me you do not exist.
GREG: You have a program called Clink Stinc, which doesn’t surprise me at all. And I do too exist.
BOB: We are working on renaming it, and you do not
GREG: Do too.
BOB: Do not.
GREG: Sheesh, this is ridiculous! I’m talking to you, I must exist.
BOB: Cartoons "talk" they do not exist.
GREG: Bob, I am going to prove my point. If I didn't exist, then if I were to staple my finger, it wouldn’t hurt or bleed, right?
BOB: That seems reasonable.
GREG: Cashink. AHHHHHH. Man, I am bleeding all over the place, so there, showed you!
BOB: Anything else I can help you with?
And so it became necessary to get a new internet provider. And, our tech told us, while we were at it, may as well replace the server because it was old. Sure it worked well, but was old in server years. (Kind of like dog years, only dogs are far more reliable). So we did the upgrade.
Things are finally getting under control, and we appreciate our client’s patience with us. The kinks are getting worked out. In a few weeks, and with some luck, we hope to be so far along that we will be where we started in the first place. Well, that may be blind optimism, but almost where we started. Can't ask for more than that!
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FEE SCHEDULE: The Lawless Partnership fees will not increase in 2012.
Wishing you a happy holiday season!
Greg, Janine, Priscilla, Ruth,
Amy and Scout
