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Crosby ____, Nash, and ________
For my birthday this year, my lovely wife Janine arranged for me to go the a concert at WaMu Theater. Featured were David Crosby and Graham Nash, who by my calculations are half of one of my favorite 60's rock groups, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. While I never made it to Woodstock, heck at that time I had never made it to Woodinville, I was well aware of their presence during those tumultuous times. Recall the Vietnam war era, student protests on college campuses, the invention of Fizzies. So here was my opportunity much later in life to capture some of that glory.
Entering the WaMu theater I immediately noticed some subtle differences between this concert and Woodstock. Including, in no particular order:
1. There was no one under the age of 50
2. Everyone had clothes on. Thank Goodness
3. There were only 1,500 people
4. The only drug use was Metamusal
Despite that, I knew this was an event to relish. "Teach Your Children Well", "Suite Judy Blue Eyes", "Marakesh Express" It would be great.
At about the time the concert was supposed to start, the back up band came out, and then what appeared to be a huge glitch occurred. A couple of really old guys from a nearby retirement center had apparently escaped and were wandering over the stage. We all were kind of amused until the announcer blared "Ladies and Gentlemen, David Crosby and Graham Nash!!!!" The fans amusement quickly turned to horror, voicing as one the pregnant question, "if those gummers are Crosby and Nash, then did the same thing happen to us!!"
The concert began, and I quickly noticed one other subtle difference between Woodstock and the concert I was viewing
5. They can no longer sing
Oh sure, they each had some vocal range (two notes a piece) but nothing like their former glory years.
And so, for you aging rock stars out there reading this letter, and there must be thousands of you, here are some suggestions for you.
1. Embrace the concept of plastic surgery and liposuction.
2. Just lip sync your old records, rather than try to actually sing anything yourselves. All of us will be happier for that.
Of course there are some risks associated with those suggestions. Not the surgery, but the real possibility that with failing eyesight, they put in the wrong CD in the Concert Hall PA system for purposes of lip synching. I can see the following exchange between two concert Dudes.
DUDE ONE: Wow man, like David Crosby singing right here in Seattle man.
DUDE TWO: So cool, man. But do you remember him sounding like Karen Carpenter?
DUDE ONE: Like Man, I am pretty sure he wrote "Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down"
DUDE TWO: Cool.
