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The Birds
In Alfred Hitchcock's horror movie, "The Birds," an innocent couple vacationing in a small beach town (probably Ocean Shores) were savagely attacked by birds who for reasons unknown (probably a worm shortage) were pecking people to death when the mood arose (probably when the radio played Muskrat Love). While watching the movie, you are held in total suspense, but once it is over you don’t take it very seriously, knowing birds would never do that. Think again.
Most days I walk to and from work. For no apparent reason periodically I am attacked by crows. While I’ve yet to be pecked to death, it still is very startling when the black buzzards swoop down and smack you in the back of the head. That, and believe me, it is hard to be suave in front of the neighbors, when you are swinging your backpack trying to retaliate and bring down one of the foul fowls. It happened again today, and I've had enough. I am declaring WAR on Crows and intend to bring them down!
Delicious Recipe: Crowadoodles
Lets start with making crows edible! So here is a delicious recipe that requires 3 eggs, 2 cups of flour, butter, salt, cinnamon, 4 crows, and water. I call it "Crowadoodles"
1. Take 4 crows and boil them alive in a large pot for 2 hours. Set aside.
2. Mix the cinnamon, salt, butter, eggs and water. Put one inch balls of the batter on a cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.
3. Throw away the crows.
New Sport: Crowminton
Here's a fun summer sport, crowminton! Find a tree that has a crows nest. Set up a badminton net under the crows nest. Be sure to make lots of noise and threaten the nestlings by saying things like "Hey baby crow, want some drugs?"
I recommend instead of a badminton racquet, use a crowminton racquet (a 1971 Jimmy Connors aluminum tennis racquet that weighs 3 pounds and is solid as a brick). As the crows swarm out of the tree, the object of the game is to "serve" the crow (the crowcock) over the net to your opponent, who of course "returns the serve" and so it goes until the crow no longer has feathers. Sometimes the game can involve multiple crowcocks, which only adds to the fun.
Tweet Shooting
For years marksmen have honed their skills by shooting clay pigeons, the goal is to shoot an entire set (30) in a row. Why have the poor pigeons bear all the burden with this sport? Why, I have an idea! Instead of clay pigeons, use crow pigeons!
These are just a few fun filled ideas for the summer. I won't reveal my suggestions for next month, but here’s a hint. It is fishing season!
