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Crow Nation Rebels
In the last edition of the Lawless Legal Letter (see The Birds) I wrote an article declaring war on our fine feathered fiends, crows. My call to arms was justifiable given that I was being attacked on my walk to work for no good reason. I had a few practical suggestions for those who wanted to take up the cause with me including Tweet Shooting, Crowminton, and Crowerdoodles.
What I didn't anticipate, in fact was shocked to learn, that a substantial number of my clients LOVE crows. Here are some of the responses I received from my crow bashing:
Crows are very intelligent, if they are dive bombing you, you probably deserved it.
Please don't make me chose between a crow and a lawyer, it isn't an obvious decision
I don't think the expression "eat crow" was meant to be taken literally.
It didn't take long for me to realize that I needed to make peace with both the crows, and my crow loving clients (misguided though they are).
Making peace with the crows was not all that difficult. Based on my observations of crows, I suspect nothing pleases a crow more than a nice, ripe, juicy road kill. I kept my eyes open and it didn't take long until I spied the perfect crow token, a former squirrel that had apparently been run over by a cement truck about three days ago. I scraped it off the road and took it to my neighbor's place, where the beastly birds live. Chucking the former squirrel on the ground, I appealed to the crows:
"Here is a token of my appreciation for all you do, assuming you do anything useful. I shall never again make fun of your awful voices, instead I shall call your cawing "crow song". I shall dress in black in your honor, even though everyone will think I am trying to be a 57 year old goth. And I shall bring you squished squirrels as they come available. So please, forgive me for whatever you black banshees think I did."
It worked! The crows have left me alone ever since. Of course my neighbor has obtained a restraining order forbidding me from hurling road kill on his lawn, but one problem at a time.
Now as to you, my crow loving clients. I will end my war against crows and pick a new target for my wrath. One that everyone can despise. Which isn't that easy to do. Mosquitos? No, I can just hear "my friends the frogs eat mosquitos". Vultures? You know if people love crows, they must go gaga over vultures. Yes, it is not an easy choice, but I think I've got it. I hereby declare war on Barry Manilow!
