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Lexus Luthor - November 2009
I couldn't believe my good fortune when Janine recently took her car in for service, and was issued a "loaner car", a 2010 Lexus. Given that the car I normally drive is a pick up truck, it seemed to me I was about to be spoiled by the ultimate luxury car.
It was a dark and stormy night. Really. Janine's book group was coming over to our house, and I was supposed to play banjo with my bluegrass band, the Weavils, in Shoreline. "Since it is wet outside, guess I better take the Lexus for safety reasons" I casually commented to Janine. "Sure", she replied and I picked up the keys and dashed outside to the Lexus.
Entering the car, my first challenge was to figure out where the key goes. There was nothing obvious, like an ignition switch for example, so I tried putting it in increasingly unlikely places. Ashtray, no. Glove box, no. Air vents, no. Roof of car, no. Hubcaps, no. Muffler, no. I finally figured out, there was no place for the key, you just push a button and the car starts.
So after the 20 minute "key issue" I was on the road. Cruisin' baby! Singing old Eagle's songs, "I'm a running down the road, trying to loosen my load....". Then a little Steppenwolf. "Get your motor running....." Suddenly a voice rings out "Caution, severe weather ahead!" It was the car! And how did it know that? I slowed down to a crawl looking for the severe weather ahead, although it looked a lot like the drizzle I had just come from. Then, about every two minutes, the car would give me the same warning.
LEXUS: Caution severe weather ahead.
GREG: All over it, thanks a bunch
LEXUS: Caution, severe weather ahead
GREG: 10-4, no need to mention it again
LEXUS: Caution, severe weather ahead
GREG: OK, I am glad, I like severe weather
LEXUS: Caution, severe weather ahead.
In desperation I kept touching the screen until it stopped, and it finally quit talking to me. Until the next intersection.
LEXUS: Turn left
GREG: No way, that's wrong I am going straight, you don't even know where Mark lives.
LEXUS: Recalculating. Turn left
GREG: Give it up, car.
LEXUS: Recalculating, Turn left
GREG: Can't there's severe weather on the left
LEXUS: Recalculating, Turn left.
GREG: OK, OK already, sheesh, keep your shocks on.
Following the instructions of the Lexus, I ended up at Macys. The car was delighted, gleefully telling me "Arriving at destination". I hated to bother Janine, but I put the car in park and gave her a call explaining the situation.
JANINE: You must have pushed a preset destination
GREG: Macys? How did that get in there?
JANINE: Gosh, I have no idea, imagine that, Macys, right during their annual sale. Anyway, since the car is now happy, you should be able to drive to Mark's with no problem.
Relieved, I put the car back in drive and set out for Mark's house.
LEXUS: Caution, severe weather ahead!
